Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I look around my city this is sinville . . .
Song: S.E.X by lyfe Jennings
Wow. . . it has been a long time since i decided to blog. I just haven't had the time to blog i guess. Im trying to get a scholarship into university, so my mind has been pretty occupied. Especially with all the bullshit Ive been going through. This month has been a struggle for me. A struggle for my inner self, morals, heart, family, and life in general and i haven't been handling it in the right way.
It seems as if the only way i can deal with my stress is my smoking habit that i recently brought back into my life. I know its the easy way out, when nothing else seems to be coming to you easy lately and something is offered that is easy, taking it makes you feel good for once. Especially when you set such high goals in your life. Once those high goals are accomplished, you feel as if its not good enough. Then to make yourself aggravated, almost as its your daily routine, you put everything down in your life that could be looked at as evangelic and beautiful. No one is perfect, thus jealousy is always going to be present within most people, but in the end, jealousy woes. And once the jealousy woes, it hurts deep down because you cant always recognize other peoples problems as jealousy, but moreover one judges thyself as not good enough for society before thy think of jealousy.
Every night i cry. Not only for my ex at times, but i cry for something invisible. Though my goals are being accomplished, my goals seem to be looked at as simple tasks that i shouldn't receive satisfaction from accomplishing. Even though i have a lot going for me in my life, there is still a void. I cant seem to understand what I'm missing. Its an inanimate object, and i cannot figure out what it is. I'm crying over an invisible part in my morals, and something that may just be a figure of my imagination. All in all, i am who i am. and i struggle to accept the going things in me. Maybe because realistically, everyone looks at the good and the bad differently. My standards seem to be different from the social norm... And people who believe in monism don't even believe in evil in the first place. Is suffering not considered to be connected to evil or is suffering man made thus created in the mind? In the end, i think im just losing my balance.
Finishing song: Georgia Nights by Dolla (RIP)
Wow. . . it has been a long time since i decided to blog. I just haven't had the time to blog i guess. Im trying to get a scholarship into university, so my mind has been pretty occupied. Especially with all the bullshit Ive been going through. This month has been a struggle for me. A struggle for my inner self, morals, heart, family, and life in general and i haven't been handling it in the right way.
It seems as if the only way i can deal with my stress is my smoking habit that i recently brought back into my life. I know its the easy way out, when nothing else seems to be coming to you easy lately and something is offered that is easy, taking it makes you feel good for once. Especially when you set such high goals in your life. Once those high goals are accomplished, you feel as if its not good enough. Then to make yourself aggravated, almost as its your daily routine, you put everything down in your life that could be looked at as evangelic and beautiful. No one is perfect, thus jealousy is always going to be present within most people, but in the end, jealousy woes. And once the jealousy woes, it hurts deep down because you cant always recognize other peoples problems as jealousy, but moreover one judges thyself as not good enough for society before thy think of jealousy.
Every night i cry. Not only for my ex at times, but i cry for something invisible. Though my goals are being accomplished, my goals seem to be looked at as simple tasks that i shouldn't receive satisfaction from accomplishing. Even though i have a lot going for me in my life, there is still a void. I cant seem to understand what I'm missing. Its an inanimate object, and i cannot figure out what it is. I'm crying over an invisible part in my morals, and something that may just be a figure of my imagination. All in all, i am who i am. and i struggle to accept the going things in me. Maybe because realistically, everyone looks at the good and the bad differently. My standards seem to be different from the social norm... And people who believe in monism don't even believe in evil in the first place. Is suffering not considered to be connected to evil or is suffering man made thus created in the mind? In the end, i think im just losing my balance.
Finishing song: Georgia Nights by Dolla (RIP)
Labels: fuck it
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